I was lying in the bath last night, (my shamanic journeying time), and in that stillness memories started to whirl around my head of a family member who I feel has wronged me. I could feel myself getting sucked into the emotions and starting to blame them for every misdeed they have ever committed.
It was a tidal wave of emotion and its intensity took me by surprise. Automatically, I fell into an old pattern and started making up conversations in my head. All the things I wanted to say to them but never have came up in a jumbled rant, and as the negative memories whirled around my head, I could feel myself getting angrier and more frustrated with them.
But very quickly the words of my Pisces and Libra Lunascope came to me and I realised that I had to stop this victim mentality and find equilibrium, by becoming the watcher of my thoughts and taking personal responsibility for my own actions.
We are not powerless to our thoughts, and the moment we choose to be the observer, we stop falling victim to them. Ruminations keep us stuck, going around and round in our heads, trapped like the hamster on a wheel. In this calmer place I was able to accept the situation. It was time to express my truth but with love and compassion instead of hate and anger.
I started doing Ho’ponopono from the depths of my being, consciously and meaning every word I said:
· I’m Sorry
· Forgive me
· Thank you
· I love you
I found it tough to ask for forgiveness, my ego mentality finding it hard let go of the blame, but the more I said it, the more I realised I was saying it to myself. I was asking myself for forgiveness. I was forgiving myself.
It was a wonderful breakthrough moment, as I took personal responsibility for my wound… after all, you can’t blame a scorpion for stinging you!
I forgave myself for being angry and frustrated, for taking it personally, and allowing it to affect me the way it has. I could have said something a lot sooner for starters.
I suddenly felt incredibly calm and peaceful because I had made peace with myself. Instead of reacting with the fire of Aries and getting stuck in my anger, frustration and negativity, I chose to tune into the energy of the Pisces and Libra moons and find the balance and harmony. In short, surrendering to the situation, not getting sucked into the ‘poor me’ story and taking personal responsibility for my part in the relationship.
Then I concentrated on all the blessings in my life and very soon I was feeling back to normal!